When White Ice Gets Red
by TalidaMueller
Summary: It was supposed to be a good day. The four BTR boys had the day off and are happy to enjoy one day without being yelled at. They decided to go to the hockey rink but get an unwanted surprise which turns in something much more horrible than being yelled at at Roque Records... .
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, this is my new story called "When White Ice Gets Red'**

**The story was supposed to be a oneshot but it would have been to long, sooo...it's going to be a chapterstory :)**

**I hope you'll enjoy my story and please review :)**

_I don't own anything!_

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It was such a beautiful day in LA.

The four boys of Big Time Rush had the day off and were on their way to the ice rink to enjoy their free day.

"Gosh! Can you guys remember the last time we had a day off?" Carlos asked excited to finally be able to play hockey on the ice for a little longer that the one ore two hours they normally had before they had to work again.

"Not really. It was way too long ago that we were given a free day!" James said.

"Thanks to Kelly! Without her telling Gustavo to give us a break we'd probably be at studio now and get yelled at for making god knows what wrong!" Logan told them and rolled his eyes, being annoyed at being yelled at for every little mistake.

"Guys! I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend my day with complaining about Gustavo and work. I'm here to play hockey! Anyone with me?" Kendall asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on his lips.

"Yeah!" the three dark haired boys yelled.

The boy band made their way to the lockers and started to unpack their hockey gear and change.

When they were finally all dressed up properly they were more then happy to enter the ice, but all of their faces fell when they saw the hockey team from the Hollywood High already on the ice, practising for their game in a few days.

"Oh look who is here!" David, the caption of the team yelled to his team mates who put all their attention to the four boys.

David was a pretty tall boy. He wasn't as tall as James, not even as Kendall but he was still pretty tall. David has brown hair and big blue eyes. His skin is normally pale and he uses to have a few pimples on his face.

But he doesn't look bad, not at all.

He and the boys already met each other, to be exact they met at the day the boys first visited the rink.

When the four had seen that there was a team already on the ice, they made their way to them and introduce themselves.

When they kindly told them who they are, David was just rude and told them to leave his ice while they practised.

Kendall, with his always unpredictable tempter got angry and told them they just wanted to be nice.

Long story, short end: They don't get along with each other pretty well.

"What are you doing here David? You normally practise only on the weekend! The ice is free for everyone in the week!" James told him annoyed that this probably meant they wouldn't be able to spend their day on the ice.

"Well, the big game against the Miami Beach Senior High School is at the weekend and our school was so kind to give us one day off so we could practise before the match and if you'd have opened your eyes and looked at the entrance of the building you'd have seen that we booked the rink for the whole day." David told them with an satisfied smirk.

Kendall, James, Carlos and Logan groaned at that.

"Why are you even here? Don't you have to be in your studio trying to dance in your tights without looking gay, which by the way, you should practise more.

Because well, it doesn't really work." David told them and earned roaring laughter from his team and angry glares from the four offended boys.

"And that comes from the boy who can't play hockey properly because he is afraid to brake of one of his fingernails?" Kendall shot back with and faked innocence expression.

David's face turned red and his eyes became slits.

He took a step closer to Kendall so they were now face to face, even though he was just a inch taller than the blond.

"So what, you think you and the rest of your girl band is better then me?" he asked in a low and dangerous voice.

"No." Kendall said easily with an unimpressed look which earned him a confused stare from David.

"I** know** we're better than any of you and your so called hockey team." Kendall told him with a smirk but strong eyes.

This just got David even more angry.

"Prove it." he hissed.

"Pick your four best players and we will!" Kendall said, still with this easiness in his voice but you knew that he was serious.

"Alright! Max, Rob, Tommy, come here! We'll show this dance dolls that they should have better stayed in their studio to dance." David told the three players he had picked.

"You're in guys?" Kendall asked his friends a little more quiet to see if they are even okay with his decision.

"Is that even a question? Of course!" Logan was the first to shout and surprised his friends a little because he was normally the one to try to stay away from confrontation.

"Let's beat their asses!" James agreed.

"Big Time!" Carlos finished James sentence.

"Okay, the first team with 5 goal wins!" David told them.

Kendall nodded and smiled at his friends and they skated to the middle of the ice to get in their positions.

Carlos in the net, James on the right side in front of the net and Logan on the left side. Kendall was the center.

The other boys also got in their positions on the other side of the ice:

Tommy in the net, Rob on the right, Max on the left and David -which other way would it be- was the center and looked Kendall straight in the eye as they were waiting for the beginning of the game.

"You better pray Knight!" David smirked evilly.

Kendall was not one bit cowed. He looked David back in his big blue eyes which were formed to slits and shot right back: "I think you're the one who should pray. But don't worry, I'll be careful not to brake your fingernail."

David growled in anger.

The both boys stood their, their sticks close to each other, the puck in the middle.

And then one of the boys from Davids team ringed the gong and the match started.

Kendall got to the puck first and stormed in the direction of the net from the other team, James and Logan close behind.

Before Kendall had a chance to get the puck in the net, David checked him in the side and he lost control of the puck.

David took the puck and turned the other direction and started skating to the other net but was blocked by James who got a hold of the puck and passed it to Logan who was free.

When Logan got the puck he started skating as fast as he could, but before he could get a goal he was blocked by Rob, who was about to check him in the wall.

But before that happened, Logan passed the puck to Kendall, who was close to the goal.

Kendall got the puck and before anyone could reach him shot a goal.

The four BTR members cheered and continued the game.

The longer their 'friendly' game took, the rougher it got.

The checking in the walls got harder, the attempts to get the puck harsher.

All the boys had scraps and bruises on their body's but they wanted to finish no matter what.

After 30 minutes it was 2:1 for Kendall's team.

"What is it David? A little exhausted?" Kendall teased.

"You better shut up Knight!" he growled.

"Or what?" Kendall asked with his eyebrows raised.

"You'll see!" David muttered to himself in anger.

"Ohhh I'm so scared!" Kendall mocked amused.

"Come on Kendall." James told him and took his elbow to signal him to stop.

The boys knew Kendall well enough to know that he always gets like this when they play hockey.

He is a fair player but he is still teasing the other teams to get them angry.

"Why? I'm just having a conversation." Kendall told him.

"Yeah, yeah, like always. Let's just finish this." James said a little annoyed at Kendall's behavior and pushed him to the spot in the middle to get in his own spot and position.

Kendall just rolled his eyes and made himself ready for the next part of the game.

He doesn't see the big deal in a little teasing.

When the gong ringed the game continued, even more aggressive.

More goals were made.

Even if Kendall likes to tease his opponents, he is a fair player. He always was.

But to their dismay, the other team not.

They started to cheat.

"Hey! You're cheating!" Carlos shouted form the net.

"What? Who is cheating?" David asked with a fake innocent expression.

"You!" Logan yelled.

"Ooooh no way! I'd never cheat!" David told them, even though he knew he was totally lying.

"Can't we just play a game without you playing unfair? Is it that big of a deal for you to lose?" James asked him angry.

"If you haven't noticed Diamond, right now WE have more goals that you! So who is the losing one?" he smirked.

"Yeah! But that's because you're cheating!" Carlos yelled again.

"Ohhh can we just continue? I don't want to be here with you any longer than necessary!" David rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, we neither! But no more cheating!" Logan said.

David and his team mates just rolled their eyes and when non of the other boys looked they shared a look and a smirk before continuing the game.

After 9 more minutes it was 4:4.

"Soo, I guess that means the next goal wins!" David said with a smirk.

"OH! You're good in math! I'm so proud of you!" Kendall mocked.

"Just shut up Knight!" the dark haired treated the blond again.

"We just had this conversation a few minutes ago...let's not make this any more exciting than it is." Kendall told him with an eyeroll.

Kendall had the puck and again and stormed to the net.

He was close to the left wall and had a free way.

He decided he was close enough and was about to shoot when he was suddenly slammed in the wall.

Harder than normal.

The blond was laying on the floor, every breath taken from his lungs and his head hurting like a truck just rolled over it.

He couldn't believe his head could hurt like that, not when he had a helmet on!

The blond groaned and made an attempt to get up but couldn't and fell back to the ice.

"Kendall!" Logan, who was the closest to him was the first to reach the blond when he saw that the blond couldn't stand up after he was slammed in the wall.

He took of his own helmet and gloves and kneed beside his hurting friend.

"Oh god Kendall, are you okay?" the brunette asked shocked.

He had never witnessed someone getting slammed in the wall that hard!

"Yeah...M f'ne!" Kendall groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, suddenly feeling very dizzy and nauseous.

"No you're not." Logan said softly.

"Kendall!" James yelled when he and Carlos made their way to the pair on the ice.

"Dude! Is he okay Logan?" Carlos asked the future doctor, knowing what answer he'd get from the stubborn blond.

"I don't think so...let's take of the helmet first."

When Kendall heard that he shot his eyes oped, suddenly full of adrenaline.

When they'd take of his helmet and baby him now, just because he got slammed a little harder than they were used to, that would mean that the game is over and lost.

The blond pushed their hands away and sat up.

"I told you I'm fine! Now let's finish the game and get something to eat afterwards, I'm hungry!" Kendall snapped a little harsher than he wanted and stood up, ignoring the dizzy feeling.

"Kendall, are you sur-" James tried to ask but was interrupted.

"Yes!" Kendall snapped and skated back in the middle of the ice where the other four boys are waiting.

When David saw him he started laughing.

"What Knight? Couldn't take to be checked in the wall?" he asked and continued laughing.

"Let's just finish the game!" Kendall hissed angrily.

"What ever you say." David raised both hands.

They continued playing and...lost.

David and his team shot the final goal and won.

They started cheering while the four BTR boys kept quiet.

"So much there for!" David laughed.

"Maybe you should just stay in your studio and dance and sing like the puppies you got threaten."

Normally the boys give their congratulations to every team they played against and lost, but this time, they just glared at them.

They don't deserve congratulations.

But still, they were raised too well.

"Good game, congratulations." Kendall muttered to them and the other three joined in quietly.

The other team, now whole again just laughed and celebrated their four players.

"Let's go eat something." James said, still a little disappointed.

Before they could leave Kendall started to feel dizzy again, this time even worse that before.

When the other boys noticed their blond friend wasn't following them they turned around.

"Kendall? Aren't you coming?" Logan asked.

No response.

"Kendall?" Carlos asked quietly, now very concerned about his blond friend.

Before anyone could say one more word a big red drop dropped from Kendall's helmet covered forehead down on the ice.

The three boys watched as the drop landed and covered the white ice red.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

They looked up to their friend again, just to see his eyes roll in the back of his head and his legs gave out under his weight.

They got to his side as fast as they could, just in time to catch him before he reached the hard ice.

Logan shouted for someone, anyone to call 911 and to their surprise it was one of the other team who kicked his skaters of as fast as possible and ran to get a phone and call for help.

Logan carefully took off Kendall's helmet and put it aside.

When they all saw their blond friend without his helmet, their jaws fell.

If you didn't know Kendall had blond hair you wouldn't know he has.

His whole head was covered in blood which had soaked his hair.

The gash on the left side of his head was huge.

No doubt, his skull was cracked.

The other team had made a circle around them to see what had happened.

There were shocked faces, green faces from the people who were about to throw up, sympathy faces and tear stained faces.

But one face was missing...Davids face.

At the moment, no one cared.

All their worries are on the hurting boy on the ice.

Finally after what seemed like an entirety sirens were heard and paramedics pushed everyone away to get to the hurt blond.

They took him to the ambulance and told the shocked James, Carlos and Logan to follow behind in the car.

And that's what they did!

They followed to the hospital still in a daze what just happened.

The only though in their head was their friend.

And the picture of him on the ice, covered in his own blood.

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**Thanks for reding guys, please don't forget to review :)**

**Also, check out my other stories ;)**

**-Talida**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys. **

**SOOOO sorry it took me over a month to update :O**

**I'm so busy right now and sadly it doesn't seem to get better anytime soon. :/**

**But I won't let you guys down! This story WILL be finished, even if it takes me a little longer ;)**

**I would have updated yesterday BUT when I was searching I didn't find it anywhere! It seems like I forgot to save it and I am REALLY mad at myself for that URG!:( **

**I had to rewrite it and the result is a little bit different but I hope you'll still like it :)**

**Enjoy.**

_I don't own anything!_

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"Kelly!" Gustavo shouted through the whole studio.

"Yes?" Kelly asked when she came in the room.

"Call the dogs! I've finished the new song and I want them to record it." He told her.

"But you gave them the day off!" she told him.

"Yes, but now I need them! They can have their free day another time. I want them here. Now!" he told her in his normal, grumpy voice.

"Whatever, but I hope you know that the boys will complain the whole day that they have to work on their day off, right?" she informed him with a soft smirk.

"Still better then them goofing around." Gustavo muttered but couldn't help his own smile to show.

Kelly chuckled and went to another room to call them.

She dialed Kendall's number.

Mailbox.

"_Hmm, it's unusual for Kendall to have his phone off."_ she thought and dialed Logan's cell phone.

Mailbox.

"_Why do they have their phones off?!"_ Kelly asked herself a bit annoyed.

She dialed Carlos number, but again:

Mailbox.

"What the..." Kelly spoke out loud.

It was normal for one of the boys to have his phone off but now three of them?! Kelly had a bad feeling but pushed it aside and hurriedly dialed James number, hoping he'd answer.

Beep.

Beep.

"_Hello?" _

YES! Kelly thought happily, but something was off.

James voice. It was so weak and fearful.

"James?" she asked carefully.

"_Kelly? Is that you?"_ he asked her.

"Has he been...crying?" she wondered, shocked to hear tears in his voice.

"James, what's wrong?" she asked him desperate to know what could make this normally happy and carefree boy CRY!

Silence.

"James?" she asked, now afraid that she doesn't even want an answer.

She could hear him taking a deep breath.

"_Something happened."_ he started.

"Are you okay?" she asked immediately , worried that he could be hurt.

"_Well, yes, I am okay I guess, but...I don't really know how to say this Kelly,..."_ James told her.

Kelly could hear that he was close to tears, his voice breaking several times.

"Sweetie, come on, please tell me." she begged him.

"_Well, we're in the hospital." _he finally said.

It was so quiet Kelly almost missed it but she didn't.

"Oh my...James what happened? Did Carlos do something stupid again, please tell me he didn't brake his arm again, or his leg,...or..." she started but was interrupted by James.

"_Kelly! ….it's not Carlos.."_ he told her.

"Then what happened? James please just tell me, you're worrying me!" she told him frustrated.

"_It's Kendall."_ he whispered, voice breaking hard and Kelly could swear James was softly crying.

"Honey...what happened to Kendall?" she asked him in a soft and quiet voice.

"_Can you- can you please come to the hospital, I don't want to tell you over_ _the phone, Kelly." _he told her.

And NOW it was over! Kelly was more than just alarmed. Something really bad must have happened.

"I'm on my way, hang on sweetie, I'll be there as soon as possible."she promised and after a quick goodbye they hung up.

"Gustavo?" she shouted and stormed into the studio, causing Gustavo to almost fall from the chair.

"What?!" he yelled.

"Grab your stuff, we need to go." she told him.

"What? WHY?" he asked.

"Kendall is hurt." she told him.

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"Are there any news about Kendall yet?" Logan asked the friendly nurse at the desk again.

"Sorry, not yet." she told him with an apologizing smile.

He thanked her and sat down beside Carlos again.

That's what he has been doing for two hours now.

Every twenty minutes he'd stand up, ask the nurse if there are any news about his friend, get a no as answer and sit down again.

"how do you think e is?" Carlos asked Logan with big innocent deer eyes.

"I don't know buddy." Logan answered honestly.

Carlos nodded softly and continued to stare at his feet.

James entered the room.

"Hey, who was it on the phone?" Logan asked him.

"Kelly. She's on her way here." The taller boy told him

"Okay." Logan said.

"What about mama Knight? Has the nurse already called her like she said?" James asked him.

"She tried but her pone is off. Katie's too. They are still in the cinema. I guess they won't be back for another 30 minutes." Logan informed his friend.

"Okay."

They didn't really know what to say to each other anymore.

All the three boys are more quiet than they have ever been.

But who could blame them?!

Their best friend, their brother is in surgery at the very moment, fighting for his life.

Suddenly the door swung open.

"Boys?" Someone familiar sounding shouted.

"Kelly!" Carlos yelled and jumped up to hug her.

She was quick to hug him back, holding him tightly to her.

"Oh Carlos." she said quietly.

Logan and James jumped up too and hugged her.

"What happened boys?" Gustavo suddenly asked.

"It's Kendall...he...he-there was so much blood,...and his head and he.." Carlos tried to explain but realised he couldn't.

Logan and James each put a hond on his shoulder and Logan explained what happened to them.

Kelly put her hand over her mouth trying to keep her screams and sobs, Gustavo just stood there, pale and unable to speak.

"Oh my god." Kelly whispered.

And again, no one knew what to say.

"Hello? We're here for Kendall Knight! We got called, please, is he okay, can we see him?" they heard a woman plead.

"Mama Knight?" Logan asked and turned around in the direction where the voice was coming from.

"Guys!" Katie shouted when she spotted them and ran over to them and directly in Logan's arm who was the first one she reached.

"Where is Kendall, what happened?" she asked him, desperate to finally get an answer to what happened to her brother.

Logan was just about to open his mouth when Mrs. Knight reached them to and hugged Logan and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Logan, are you okay? Please tell me, what happened?" she asked him too.

Logan, hating being under pressure couldn't really form the right words and decided to let james explain.

"Mama Knight...there, there was an...accident." James said.

He wasn't sure if his last word was really true, but that would be too long to explain for now.

The two Knight women nodded, wanting him to continue.

"Kendall, well, we were having a hockey game and one boy of the other team checked him in the wall very hard. He fell to the ice and at first he couldn't get up so we all went to his side to see if he is seriously hurt.

He said he was fine, but when the game ended he suddenly collapsed...when we...when we took off his helmet...there-there was so much blood- I don't even...he was so pale and..." James wasn't able to continue properly and Mrs. Knight just wrapped her arms around his neck, wanting to comfort him, but also to comfort herself.

Her baby is seriously hurt.

"How bad is it?" she asked them quietly when she let go of James.

"We don't know." Carlos said. "No one tells us anything. The only thing we know is that he is in surgery right now."

"They said, they'd tell us as soon as they know anything new." Logan added.

"Okay,...the I guess...we'll just have to wait." she said and sat on one of the hospital chairs.

The others followed her example and sat down, waiting to hear news about Kendall.

Praying he is okay.

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**SO sorry I had to stop here. :/**

**I'm not really that happy with this chapter, but again, this is only a part of my other chapter and sadly it isn't as good in my eyes..but I've done worse. ;)**

**I'm so busy with school and my part time job and all that stuff, I barely find time to write...but I hope it won't take me over a month again to update.**

**Please review and tell me what you think. :)**

**-Talida**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, here I am again! **

**I'm surprised I was able to finish the next chapter that fast!**

**I didn't expect it but well, here it is :D**

**There are not much more chapters left until the story is over...it's already way longer than it was planned to be, but well...it is what it is ;)**

**Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, followed and favorited so far...love you all! 3**

**I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.**

_I don't own anything!_

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Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock

squeak

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock

squeak

James couldn't take it any longer! Not one more hour, not one more minute, not even one more second! And the annoying loud noises in the very quiet room didn't help him one bit!

It has been three full hours since Mama Knight and Katie arrived and still no news about Kendall.

Gustavo and Kelly had gone back to the studio, preparing everything for when the press is going to find out and bombing them with questions. They wanted to make it a little easier on them, so they told them they'd take care of everything.

They have been sitting in this damn waiting room for hours and no one has informed them how Kendall is doing.

Was it too much to ask for at least one information about how he's holding up?

To say James was scared was an understatement!

He has never been more scared in his whole life!

His best friend since he could think of, his brother, his little brother is right now in surgery, fighting for his life and he can do absolutely NOTHING to help.

He feels so useless.

Even if Kendall is somewhat like their leader, he is still their little brother and they are supposed to protect him...

The thought that they failed at that hurt more like anything else he has ever felt.

His hear arched and only one thing could ease this painful arch, to be exact only one person.

James could feel tears welling up but refused to let them fall. He won't let Carlos, Logan and even worse Mrs. Knight and Katie see him cry! There was no way he would let that happen!

Throughout the hours they all have been falling in and out of sleep.

Sometimes it was Katie who was asleep for a few minutes sometimes it was Logan,...but none of them all could stay asleep for very long, too afraid to miss important news about their beloved brother or son.

But right now it seemed like everyone was asleep. Or so he thought...

"James?" he heard a very quiet voice ask from his right.

When he looked to whom the voice belonged to he was shocked to see Katie with tears falling out of her big brown deer eyes and down her rosy cheeks.

"Oh Katie-bug" he said slowly and opened his arms.

Not one second after Katie jumped in his arms and buried her face in his strong, muscled chest, she started sobbing like crazy.

James just holds her while she's crying and put his face in her hair, waiting for her to calm down.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Katie asked slowly when she was finally able to stop crying and whipped her eyes.

What was he supposed to say now? Tell her the truth and say that he thinks it doesn't look very good or lie to her and say that everything will be fine.

He decided to tell her the truth. Katie is for her age a very smart kid, she knows that Kendall's chances are not the highest.

"I don't really know Katie. I hope so." he told her.

She just nodded and put her head back on his chest.

"James?" she asked again.

"Yes?"

"Can you- can you sing something for me?" she asked him, blushing slightly.

"Sing something for you?" he asked her a little unsure.

"Uhm,..you know,...just forget it...it-it was a stupid idea." she said embarrassed.

"No! No, no, Katie, I'm just a little surprised...you've never asked me to sing for you. I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable Katie-cat." he told her.

"Because every time I had a nightmare or was sick or something Kendall was there to sing to me like he did when we were younger, but now..." she begun but was stopped by her own tears which welled up again.

"Shh it's okay, of course I'll sing to you. What do you want me to sing?" he asked and hold her tighter.

"I don't care, anything is good." she told him and put her head back on his chest, closing her eyes, wishing for everything to be okay again.

James thought for a moment, wanting to find a right song.

He decided to sing a song he knew Kendall always loved to hum when he was upset.

He started to hum the melody and begun singing.

Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still and know that I am here  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you  
And covers you with fear and shame  
Be still and know that I'm with you  
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed  
And sleep no longer comes  
Remember all the words I said  
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley  
And the shadow comes down from the hill  
If morning never comes to be  
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go  
And lose where you came from  
If no one is standing beside you  
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you  
Be still and know I am

When James sung the last note he noticed that Katie has fallen asleep, her breaths evenly.

He smiled to himself, happy he was able to comfort her enough to make her fall asleep.

He allowed himself to close his eyes for a few moments and follow the others in the sweet dreamland where everything could be just fine.

He doesn't want to stay in reality and having to face the fact that his brother could be dying every moment.

So slowly, the tall brunette started to slip into sleep and allowed himself to forget about the harsh reality and dream.

Dream and pray that everything would get better soon.

But instead of a sweet, comforting dream the picture of Kendall on the ice wouldn't leave his mind.

Kendall's blond hair, body and face, just like the cold, white ice covered in fresh, red blood.

This imagine would haunt him forever.

And he could do nothing about it, just like he can do nothing to help Kendall.

Nothing but pray.

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**Okay, it is not much but it is something, right? Right! :D**

**Sorry for letting you guys wait so long for finding out how Kendall is doing, but I have planned something...;)**

**Please review and tell me what you think about chapter 3 of 'When White Ice Gets Red'**

**Sooo, till next chapter guys:. Bye :)**

**-Talida**


	4. Chapter 4

**WOW, my last chapter got so many reviews! THANK you guys So much, I appreciate every single one of you!**

**Not only the ones who review but everyone who favorites, follows and just reads...I love you guys so much. ^^**

**Soo, slowly it's starting to get serious...;)**

**Ohh and before I forget it, do you remember when I told you in my second chapter I had another start but thought I deleted it because I couldn't find it? Guess what,...after I updated I found it -.- **

**Typical for me! :D**

**I'll just leave you here to read, hope you'll like it :)**

_I don't own anything!_

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It was about 2 am when Logan started waking up from his much needed, dreamless nap.

The first thing he noticed was that his whole body ached and hurt.

The second thing was that he wasn't waking up because his body hurt, no it was something, or more likely someONE who's waking him up.

"Logie?"

"Logieee?"

Logan groaned when he was woken up from a whispering voice, which constantly repeated his name.

"What?!" he hissed when he realized he couldn't just ignore the voice and continue sleeping.

"Uhm...are you ...thirsty?" the voice asked hesitantly.

Logan's eyes shot open, anger welling up in him.

"Are you kidding me?!" Logan yelled, but calmed down the moment he saw it was Carlos who asked.

Normally Logan would have been mad at Carlos for waking him up but how could he be mad at him.

The little Latinos eyes are red from all the crying, his hair messy and his skin pale.

"S-sorry, Logie, I just...I felt so alone with everyone asleep." Carlos admitted embarrassed.

Logan sighed and put his hair through his thick, messy brown hair.

"Don't worry Los, it's okay." he told him with a calm voice and a soft smile.

But the words felt thick on his tongue.

They were just lies, nothing was okay!

Their blond friend is STILL somewhere in the hospital and they don't even know if he is still alive.

No one wanted to talk to them for hours and it's frustrating them!

"Logan I'm scared..." Carlos suddenly said and shocked Logan out of his thoughts.

When he looked at the normally always hyper and happy boys his heart dropped to his shoes.

The poor boy was shaking so much from trying not to break down.

"Oh Los.." Logan said and took his friend in his arms.

He could feel the body of his older but smaller friend shaking with the chocked sobs the boy let out.

"It's going to be okay buddy, everything is going to be just fine.." He didn't believe his own words and he was sure Carlos knew they are an empty lie too but they both need to keep their hopes up.

"Thanks Logan" Carlos said after a few more minutes of his crying and sniffled when he put his head back up from Logan's chest.

"Anytime bud." Logan gave him smile.

"Guys?" they heard a voice muffle from somewhere on their left.

"James? Are you awake?" Logan asked.

"Yeah..why are you guys up?" he asked tiredly and stretched his aching body, carefully to not wake Katie who was still sleeping on his chest.

"Couldn't sleep anymore." Logan said and Carlos just nodded, glad Logan didn't tell James about his little break down a few minutes ago.

"Hmm." James just replied.

They sat there a few more minutes in an uncomfortable silence, none of them knowing what to say.

Slowly Katie and Mrs. Knight started to wake up too, sensing the movements around them.

"Hey boys." Mrs Knight greeted them and groaned in discomfort from the hard plastic chair.

"Did you sleep well Mama Knight?" Carlos asked with a soft smile.

The mother tried her best to smile back but didn't really succeed.

"Not really." she answered honestly.

"Have you heard anything from Kendall while we were asleep?" Katie wondered.

"No." Logan answered for them.

"Oh...okay." Katie said an gnawed on her bottom lip, trying hard to keep the tears in, which treated to come back again.

James, who saw this put his arm around her and the little girl snuggled in his chest again, feeling secure.

5 hours! Already 5 hours and no one knew what to say anymore.

They sat there for about 20 more minutes when a doctor suddenly came through the door.

"Kendall Knight?" he asked professionally

They all jumped and raced towards him.

He looks like he is in his late thirties, his hair starting to get gray and his face has already a few folds.

The doctor, a little shocked took a step backwards but quickly recovered from his previous shock.

"Okay I see, uhm,...are you his mother?" he politely asked Mrs. Knight and held out his hand.

"Yes I am." she replied and shook his offered hand.

"I'm Dr. Willson, would it be possible to talk to you in my office for a few minutes?" he asked, still professional with an unreadable face.

"Uhm, sure, I guess." Mrs. Knight said nervously and followed him in his office.

The other four stayed behind with a bad feeling, sensing that something wasn't right.

"That's not good..." Carlos whispered.

"No,...it's not." James agreed softly.

They sat down again, nervously waiting for Jennifer Knight and the doctor to come back.

Silence filled the room again, everyone deep in their own thoughts.

"James! Please, stop!" Logan told him annoyed.

"What?" James asked.

"You're leg. Please stop bouncing it up and down. It's freaking me out." Logan told him and began massaging his temples.

"Sorry...I'm nervous." James told him quietly.

Logan sighed. "I know, me too. They are already gone for half an hour." Logan said while keeping his eyes closed.

Carlos was staring at the floor the whole time only talking here and there a few times.

Katie was just staring into the air, being in her own world, more quiet than ever.

"What if..." James suddenly began.

"No." Logan answered and opened his eyes again, alarmed by James beginning of his sentence.

"But it could be possible that..." he tried again.

"No!" This time it was Carlos who told him not to say it.

"I just want to say that.." James was desperate to say it. It was on all of their minds and keeping it in their heads wasn't helping.

"James, NO!" Katie yelled at him.

This time James did shut up, shocked at her out burst.

He put his head down and stared at the floor.

"Look James, .." Logan began, feeling sorry for yelling at his best friend just because he needed to talk.

"We KNOW that it could be, but...why say it out loud? How would that help?" he asked him quietly.

"Because I don't know what I would do if it'd be the case." James told them and closed his eyes, trying to keep the tears in.

He hated how often he felt the urge to cry since they arrived in the hospital.

That had them all quiet and thinking.

What would they do?

They didn't even want to think about it.

"He wouldn't do that, would he?" Katie asked quietly and if the room wasn't as quiet as possible they probably would have missed it.

"What do you mean Katie?" Logan asked her confused.

"He wouldn't leave me alone, he wouldn't leave US alone, would he?" Katie asked with big, teary eyes.

There was a long silence, none of them knew how to answer that one.

But before any of them could say anything the door opened and all of their heads shot in the direction of it.

This time only Mrs. Knight came in.

But her face told them more that any words.

Her face was as pale as snow, her hair seems like it has lost all it's shine and her eyes, ...they were wide and empty.

"Mama...?" Katie asked, afraid to hear what she had to say.

She sat down, as stiff as wood.

"Mrs. Knight?" Carlos tried too.

And then, out of the sudden she let out the most heartbreaking sob any of them had ever heard and she lunched over, her whole body shaking and tears running down her cheeks like waterfalls.

"No..." Logan whispered.

They all just stayed where they were, not able to comfort the crying mother.

Hell, they were not even able to move.

The three boys and the young girl just starred at her, fear and shock written over all of their faces.

After about five minutes of her horrible crying Mrs. Knight was able to keep herself together and lifted her head to see her scared kids.

"No..." Logan whispered again, tears already welling up in his eyes.

"Mommy..."Katie begged, her tears already slipping out of her eyes.

"He...is he..no...he...?" James tried to form a sentence but failed, his tears now falling out of his eyes too but he didn't care.

Carlos just starred at her, not able to even cry, he was just too much in shock.

"No, he's not." was all the oldest Knight woman said.

But before any of them could breath out in relief she continued.

"His head is cracked and his brain got damaged, in surgery they tried to fix it but his brain started swelling and then to bleed. He...he...they...they don't think he'll make it through the night, his injuries are too bad." she told them and put her hand over her mouth to silence her cries.

"He is in room 111, the doctors said we should hurry to say our goodbyes, ...before it's too late." she finished the hardest news she had to tell in her whole life.

And that was the moment when they all started to cry harder that they ever had before.

They are going to loose him.

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Soooo now you kindaaa know what's wrong with him, BUT that doesn't have to mean a thing, right ;)

I personally don't like this chapter that much, but I needed it as a barrier for my next one ore two chapters, maybe even three, I don't know yet ;)

But I still hope you liked it ;)

Please leave a review, they mean so much to me :)

By the way, I'd REALLY love to know how old my readers are and where they are from, so if you don't mind, please put that in the review too^^ I'm pretty curious :D

Till chapter 5 ;)

-Talida


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, how are ya all doing? :D**

**It's about 2:30 in the morning and I have nothing better to do than write chapter 5 for 'When White Ice Gets Red' :D**

**I don't know, I always write this late because that's when I can do it the best...I'm such a weird person xD**

**This is till now one of my longest chapters!**

**I can't wait to read in your reviews what you guys think about it! ^^**

**Enjoy.**

_I don't own anything!_

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After Mama K. told the boys and Katie about Kendall and what the doctor said they all stayed in the waiting room and cried for about half an hour.

None of them could believe it!

They had to say their final goodbye to Kendall!

It isn't fair!

The walk to room number 111 seemed like it never wants to stop.

Everything seems to be happening in slow motion.

The bodies of the two Knight women and the three BTR boys are stiff and the tension between all of them is thick.

Not one word was spoken since Mrs. Knight told them about Kendall.

Suddenly they all had arrived and stood in front of the door that seperated them from their dying son, brother and friend.

No one moved.

No one spoke.

No one even dared to breath.

It was Mrs. Knight who finally broke the silence.

"How do you wanna...do this?" she asked them quietly, her voice raspy from all the crying while she was in the doctors office and the time in the waiting room.

James took a deep breath and answered: "I don't know about you but I kinda...I don't know if I can do this on my own." James admitted, tears threatening to well up again but he swallowed hard and blinked them away.

"Me neither..." Carlos agreed.

"So, are we doing it all together?" Logan asked them.

"If you guys don't mind,...I'd like to say ...goodbye to him on my own." The Knight mother told them with her voice breaking when she chocked on a sob.

"Of course, that's alright Mama K. What about you Katie-Kat?" James asked the little brunette which looked at him with glistering eyes.

James had to bite back a gasp when he looked in the young girls eyes.

He was shocked to see how ….empty and full of sorrow they look.

The tall boy wishes he could just take all the pain away from her so he never had to see that look on her pretty face again, he wishes he could take the pain from all of them.

But sadly he wasn't able to do that.

"I-I want to be alone with my brother, please." she said and looked down, embarrassed she didn't want her other brothers by her side when she had to...had to say goodbye.

"Okay sweetie." James told her and squeezed her thin shoulder gently.

Then they fell quiet again.

"Who's going first?" Logan asked, hoping it wouldn't be him and the guys.

He doesn't know if he's ready to say goodbye to Kendall yet, hell, he doesn't know if he'll ever be ready to say goodbye to his baby brother.

"I think I'll go." Mrs. Knight said.

She stood tall with her head high.

She had to be strong now! This is probably the most horrible situation she'd ever been and will ever be in, but she wasn't the only one.

Her kids need someone to be strong now so she has to bite back her weakness and be there for them just like she's supposed to.

"Are you sure?" Carlos asked.

"Yes." She told him with a warm smile, even though her brain was screaming at her to run home and curl under a blanked until nothing could reach her anymore.

They all nodded and with that the red haired woman took a deep, calming breath and entered the room in which her baby boy lay in, dying.

She entered the room and quietly closed the door shut behind her.

_In the room:_

When Mrs. Knight entered the room her heart dropped to her feet.

There Kendall was, laying in his hospital bed, as white as the sheets with his head completely shaved and bandaged.

His pale face and the shaved head made his dark eyebrows stand out even more, she noticed.

He was wired up to so many machines, she couldn't even tell to how many machines he was hooked up.

This all looked so horrible wrong!

This shouldn't be happening!

Kendall was supposed to live!

He was always such a good boy...

_She remembered when her husband and Kendall's and Katie's dad left them._

_He was the main worker at home, he earned all the money._

_When he left, they weren't just left for a 15 year younger bimbo, he didn't left them 'just' heartbroken, no, he also took all his money they needed for food, water, heat, for their existent!_

_Jennifer had to take a job but wasn't able to find a job where she was able to earn enough money without being away for the whole day._

_So she had no other choice than to take the offer as a waitress in the bistro a few blocks away where she had to spend almost 16 hours of her day to earn enough money to pay for everything._

_It was even more difficult for her because Katie was only 4 and couldn't stay alone at home yet._

_And she couldn't hire a babysitter with the little money she gets._

_So she had to ask her 10 year old son Kendall, who was supposed to be outside, playing with his friends after he came out of school was done with homework to stay in the house and take care of Katie._

_She felt horrible for asking him that, but he, he didn't even complain once!_

_She told her that she wouldn't have to worry about that, he would take care of everything._

_So when his school bell rang he made his way to Katie's kindergarden and made sure she came home save._

_He took the food his mother had made for them out of the refrigerator and heated it._

_Then he played with Katie and kept her company until it was time for her to go to bed._

_So he'd help her to get ready for bed and when she finally lay down he even took his time to sing her to sleep._

_After that he did his homework until his mother finally came home from work and just then he went to bed._

_She had been so thankful for everything he did to help her._

_She knew how exhausted Kendall always was, she saw how tired he always looked but she couldn't help him and that made her feel like such a bad mother!_

_Often she'd lay in bed and cry until she finally fell asleep but only till she had to get up for work at 4 am again and the whole nightmare would start all over again._

_The only thing she couldn't deny Kendall was playing hockey._

_She couldn't bring herself to do that._

_Jennifer knew that he would have done it for her but it was the only time he has left only for himself._

_Time he could spend with his friends and just have fun and be a kid like he was supposed to._

_So every __Tuesday__ and Thursday she'd ask either Mrs. Mitchel, Mrs. Garcia or Mrs. Diamond to take care of Katie for the few hours the boys were in training._

_She was so thankful to have such great friends._

_That continued for years, until Katie was 8 and could stay home alone for a few hours and Kendall with his young 14 years secretly started to work at the supermarket and sneak the money he earned in his mothers purse._

_He knew she'd have never allowed him to work so she could pay their bills so he just did it._

_When Jennifer found out she didn't know if she should yell at him or hug his as close as she could._

_She didn't want him to continue working at such a young age but he told her he was okay with it, he even had to beg her to so he could keep his job._

_So she told him he could keep doing it but the moment he doesn't want to do it anymore he should quit._

_Of course, stubborn Kendall never stopped until he was 16 and brought her, along with Katie and his three best friends who always stuck with him and helped him taking care of Katie and with school to L.A and they became Big Time Rush._

Jennifer Knight smiled softly, tears running down her eyes.

She has such an angle as son.

He doesn't deserve all of this one bit.

She carefully took his hand in her own and massaged his knuckles with her thump while she wiped her tears away.

The red haired mother took a deep breath and looked her broken son in his face.

"Oh Kenny." she whispered, tears running down her cheeks again.

"You don't deserve this. You're such a great, sweet, loving and caring human being. You- you can't leave."

"You have too many people who love you. Just think about it: You have James, Carlos, Logan, Katie, Jo, Kelly, Gustavo, and trust me, even if he doesn't want to admit he does love you 'dogs', Griffin, Camille, Lucy, Taylor, The Jennifer's, Bitters, Budda Bob, Jett, you can tell me everything you want but you guys are no enemies, you ARE friends, Mrs. Collins, all your friends back in Minnesota, your fans and ….and me, Kenny."

she told him while softly stroking his cheek.

"You can't just leave all of this behind you honey, you are way too important for us baby." she said.

"I was always so proud of you baby, I still am! There are so many things you've done that were just...just amazing!"

"How you helped me with Katie after your father left us, when you took a job just to help me paying the bills, how you dealt with Gustavo to take the boys with you to L.A because you knew that it was James dream...you always put the needs and dreams of others in front of yours Kendall."

"You're the most selfless person I know and I'm so proud of you and so glad that I was the one who raised you."

She paused for a moment and just cried in his side.

When she had herself in control again she continued.

"You know, I always imagined how it would be when I was an old grandma and you and Katie are adults,...I'm kinda worried Katie will one day rule the whole world" she chuckled.

"She is a clever girl, huh?" she laughed and cried together.

"And I always imagined you as a huge hockey player, center of course, just like you like it. Or now that I know how much you adore singing and performing, maybe as a huge rock star." she smiled.

"I would have loved to be there on your wedding day, to see you and your wife giving each other the 'yes-word', to see my grandchildren and to bring them gifts."

She had to wipe her red, puffy eyes again, maybe for the thousands time already.

"But I guess that will never happen...be-because you-you...will leave us already."

"You're only 17! I never imagined it wold be like this! I always thought that I'd happily die in my old 80s maybe even 90s, knowing my kids have their own families and are happy with their life's...I never..I ne-never thought I'd sit at the bed of my 17-year old son and have to say goodbye."

"Kenny-I love you so, so mu-much! You know that right? Your mommy loves you Kenny! Please don't forget that honey. Please."

She sniffled and pressed his hand to her mouth.

Mrs. Knight kissed every single of his fingers and than the back of his hand.

She took a deep breath and let go of his hand.

Jennifer stood up and pressed a last, long and sweet kiss to his cheek and whispered in his ear:

"I'll miss you honey, please don't forget that I love you, because I really do and I always will.

Goodbye sweetheart."

She stood up and streched her back.

She put her head high and closed her eyes.

The Knight woman stood there for a few more minutes and prayed to god to take good care of her baby and opened her eyes again.

She took one last look at he beautiful angle and blew him another kiss before she walked to the door and stepped out.

Mrs. Knight might never feel ready to let him go but at least she got the chance to say goodbye to him.

She thought about all the people who never got the chance to say goodbye to their loved ones and was kinda glad she got that chance.

But she wished it was the other way around, that her kids would have to say goodbye to her and not she to his only 17 year old son.

She looked back to him and sighed before she closed the door and told herself to not break down again from now on.

No, she had to stay strong for her other kids, because they need her now more than ever and she'd be damned if she refuses them her support.

She could only pray for Kendall.

Pray that he feels no pain anymore and never will again.

Pray that he knows how much he is loved and how much he will be missed.

Maybe even pray for a miracle but she told herself not to set her hopes too high, too afraid to be even more destroyed at the end.

Gosh, she'll miss her angle, her beautiful angle boy, who will probably be a real angle soon.

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**Whooooo I hope that wasn't too cheesy for you guys ;)**

**I tried my best to write how Mrs. Knight could feel, I mean I can't really imagine how HORRIBLE it could be for a mother to say goodbye to her child, especially when it is so young but I tried my best to write something that could fit.**

**I hope you guys like it and PLEASE don't be mad that you STILL don't know if Kendall's really going to die or not...but of course I won't tell in the first chapters...you'll probably wait for a little bit longer. ;)**

**Please tell me what you guys think about this chapter. :)**

**Sooooo, till next time, when you get to read Katie's goodbye ;)**

**-Talida**


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